Thursday 1 Oct 2020
8am to 10.30am
Alarm went off at 8am and yes, thankfully I’d remembered to set timer on coffee machine last night. Shame I fell back to sleep and woke up at 8.45am when Sophie brought one to me.
I was supping my coffee, opening Twitter, what’s going on in the world today and oh! Chrissy Teigen and John Legend have tragically lost a baby. And she’d shared a harrowing photo from the delivery suite, clutching her dead child, total agony all over her face.
Now I’m not really one to talk as I share way too much online, I like to think that’s one of the many side effects of my brain injury (it is, I have it in writing), but there’s got to be limits surely. Reach out for support, it can be there. But do you really need support from strangers if your husband is RIGHT THERE? I share too much but definitely would not be sharing a photo of myself clutching my dead child.
Sophie said who took the photo? Well him, I guess. No, she said, he’s in the photo with her she must have asked someone to take it. Wow. Sure her other children will love seeing a photo of their mother & father clutching their dead brother online, with the whole world commenting. [Update: Turns out we were talking about different photos – I meant the one of her half naked, clutching a sheet, face contorted in agony. What would go though someone’s head for them to think oh here’s a good one for Insta. Not for them the ‘please respect our family’s privacy at this very difficult time’.]
But even if I did share this, I’m not famous, I don’t have an audience/fans of millions. Some of whom who will feel her absolute pain and misery. They’ll be sad for her. It will affect their emotions and have an impact on how they get through the rest of the day. Is that right? Are people not suffering enough with COVID ruining lives right now?
Well let me tell you if this didn’t “trigger” you in any way then you’re lucky. But some of us, through no choice of our own, are empaths who do feel it. Some of us have been in similar situations.
I can’t remember what I tweeted, but it was something about my unpopular opinion, that I don’t think she should have shared something so very raw and personal. This information will not help a single other person. There’s no lesson to be learned here. No pregnancy awareness will stop this tragedy.
Yeah you know what happens next. That’s right, get in my mentions and tell me why I’m wrong. As usual. And then I go into meltdown because I CAN’T FIND THE WORDS SINCE BRAIN DAMAGE.
18 notifications sitting there. 18 notifications that fill me with dread and anxiety. Well its taken me 10 years to work this out but I owe you nothing. I don’t owe you a response, trying to justify myself over and over. They can stay there.
And you know what, I spend most days looking at Twitter these days thinking “Ohhhh fuuuuuuuck offffff” and my last tweet was “fuck off today Twitter”. Yes, very mature, I know.
I think this is an addiction I can kick now. Finally.
When the fun stops, stop. If I can’t cope with my mentions, if I can’t describe and explain my reasoning (and it really kills me to be misunderstood), I shouldn’t be on Twitter.
I’ve been keeping account open to post blog links, trying (and failing spectacularly!) to remain neutral over most topics lately, but that’s just not me. Turns out I’m a basic bitch and Twitter isn’t my blog audience. Deep down I knew they weren’t (but you gotta have hope!) as evidenced by the numbers on my latest blogs that I posted on other websites and group pages. Ah well, never mind.
My head hurts from reading all the horror sometimes. All the bickering, the mainsplaining and the constant men trying to intellectually outwit each other. Its so tedious.
Had a shocker the other day. A very popular (with the ladies) account of a retired (so he says) gentleman was being wound up by an American dude and he said, and I quote “Oh go and shoot your classmates!”
Mate. I felt sick. That really turned my stomach and upset me. What an absolutly disgusting thing to say.
So yes, its the end of my Twitter road right now old chums, I’m too old for this shit and life is too short. No diva flounce out the door (just a blog about it haha), no deactivating, the odd blog link shall be posted in case you run out of toilet reads, but adieus amigos. Its been emotional.
Follow me on Insta. It’s a bit nicer over there – @ahwellnevermind
Stand by for Thursday Part II. The day got so much better once I put my phone away. Funny that!
Sing it with me: back to life, back to reality…