“Wait, are you going to be alright if I stay an extra night at Dad’s? Shall I stay home, I don’t want you to be on your own”.
“I’ll be fine love, you go. I’ll be fine”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, honestly, there’s loads of football on tomorrow, if I don’t want to be on my own I can go round Pen’s for the day. Mark is waiting for me to ring whenever I need to, Julie wants to come round, I can ring Jo, she said ring whenever, Imogene is waiting for a call back, Hayley said ring any time.” I’d bumped into Hannah as I was leaving the vet the previous Monday, in a daze. Think I told her as well. I was already regretting telling so many friends because I knew they’d be upset for us. And now I’m upset that they’re upset at our upset and I’ve got enough upset to keep me going for a while now. You know what I mean. For the millionth time I count my lucky blessings to have so many really good friends. But I knew I wouldn’t be able to speak to anyone. Its Monday afternoon now. Still can’t.
Then I was nearly fully honest with her “I think it will be easier for you to be with your dad and Seb, change of scenery and distraction”. The other honest bit was I’m going to absolutely fall to bits and I don’t want you see it.
Bailey passed shortly before noon. Very rare to see a 14 & a half year old Lab, the vet said. I instantly thought of two friends’ labs who lived to 16, but okay. Although, neither of them could walk. I didn’t want to keep Bailey in pain. I knew it was selfish. If truth be told I probably should have let him go six weeks earlier but I went straight to denial, praying for a miracle. Forget your transhumanism and your AI robot dogs and your shitty micro chips, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD can someone work on making real dogs live forever?! Think of the pain it will save so many.