I started blogging on WordPress about my accident from start to finish. I didn’t plan to, but something triggered a chain of thoughts and I started typing them. The constant fear of not being able to speak my truth had vanished. Come for me. I’m ready for you now.
People started reading them and it felt really good. Really, really good. I’d been so hard and down on myself for the last three years, wallowing in depression, confusion and anxiety, focusing on all the negatives of injuries, my previous life choices, anything to hurt/hate myself. Felt utterly useless. To be praised was a long forgotten, pretty good feeling!
After a few blogposts I learned I couldn’t monetise my blog without my own website. But no money to pay for one. I tweeted as much. Within an hour (possibly 5 minutes – I don’t remember one second to the next any more!) a rather lovely tweeter sent me a DM saying what would you like your website to be called? I replied ‘Ahwellnevermind’. Pre-accident its got me through life. Always try to find the bright side of a situation. Don’t worry, be happy etc. Anyway, he replied saying here’s your website, you can start using it in 24 hours…
What?! Really? Oh my gosh I don’t know what to say, thank you so much!
I didn’t feel worthy.
And then the panic set in. What the hell dude?! Now I’ve been gifted a website I actually have to write stuff. Instantly feeling indebted to him. Must let him know he made a good choice gifting it to me and that I won’t waste it.
Now bear in mind I haven’t finished a single money making thing I’ve started since accident, the pressure was/is ON. I was worrying about the content but that turned out to be the least of my worries. I genuinely thought my own website would be just like my wordpress account and I’d click a few buttons to add adverts and Amazon links. HahahahahaHAH! As if it would be that easy! I stared at the screen. I clicked on some of the buttons. And absolutely nothing made any sense to me. All I could see was words with no meanings. And so much of it! Themes and plug ins and blocks and what?! I panicked. I had no idea. All I knew was that I needed to have a menu and some categories and sub-categories. I’d worked out how to type text and that would have to do for starters…