Part 1: Oh Here It Comes: First The Anger, Then The Pain

I’ll try and make the history behind this one as brief as I can. If you’ve followed me a long time on Twitter then you might’ve heard me make reference to the adopted mother. Twisted, manipulative, lying, petty, ignorant. And those are her nicer qualities.

I’ve had a life time of her abuse, both physically and mentally. Didn’t speak to her for 2 years after my accident, no help whatsoever & my severe depression would not allow it and it was bliss. I need to go back to those days. But at the same time she told all other family members not to contact me because “she gets confused and it upsets her”.  Thanks mum!

When my grandad was alive she spent 3 years ringing me saying “this is it. He’s dying now, go and see him, this is the last chance you’ll get”. For 3 years before his death. And yes, the one time I thought oh FFS I can’t stand your lies any longer, I’m not going…he died that night. 25 years ago and still feel bad.

She has a long history of making shit up. I spent my childhood being beaten and told I was lying and to fess up. But there was never anything to fess up to. I always told the truth. Took me 40 years to realise she was projecting. Such a huge, regular and consistent liar. On one occasion she found a photo of me sat on a log, on a school trip next to a boy and demanded to know why I was crying. I’m not crying, I’m laughing with embarrassment because I fancied him and my mates had just told him. She wouldn’t believe me. Beating me and screaming over and over “YOU’RE A LIAR WHY WERE YOU CRYING?!”  I wasn’t crying. YES YOU WERE. Hideous.

I’m a grown woman now. Still it continues. Today. Today nearly has me in tears.

About a month ago she told me an aunt had early signs of dementia. She told me in person and on the phone, multiple times. Now I’ve had visits with this aunt when she’s told me some of the vile stuff ‘mother’ put me through as a child which I’d forgotten. She would tie me to the table until I ate everything on the plate. I do remember that. Its why now, no matter what I eat, I have to leave at least one mouthful. One time in front of aunt I vomited and mother still wouldn’t let me leave the table and forced me to eat my own vomit.

My aunt knows who and what her sister is. Aunt also told me that they thought I was being sexually abused by my adopted ‘father’ who legged it with a neighbour when I was five and went into hiding for 2 years. Apparently a few years later he arrived back one Christmas with presents for me and my brother and she locked him in the house and wouldn’t let him leave. But, but she thought he had sexually abused me and she wanted him back in the house? I haven’t dealt with this yet. Anyway…..

Last week I tried to get hold of my aunt to suggest a visit, see if she’s okay and it kept going straight to voicemail. I texted my cousin’s wife to see if she knew if aunt was okay, Mother is telling us she has early dementia. My cousin is a big shot writer and film director and even though we grew up close as kids I haven’t seen him for 20 years when I bumped into him in a club. I had his wife’s number because she sent me a thank you text for  present after their son was born.

She replied say her husband doesn’t tell her anything (?) but Aunt does get a bit confused or bit slower when stressed but I don’t think its much more than old age. I replied thanks, sure it is just her age, ‘Mother’ likes to spread unconfirmed medical details about the family as facts, I’ll ring aunt tomorrow and see how she is.

That was last Thursday. Today I get a voicemail from ‘mother’: Can you ring me urgently, I need to speak to you’

Mother: Now listen to me, you rang Christopher at the weekend and said…
Me: No I didn’t, I haven’t got his number
Mother: You rang him and you said…
Me: I just told you, I didn’t ring him, I don’t have his number
Mother: You told him that Margaret has dementia and…
Mother: Well he got a message on set in the middle of filming to tell him is mother had dementia and he panicked and went mad and you said…. [PRETTY SURE THIS DIDN’T HAPPEN]
Me: I messaged his wife to check if aunt is ok BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME SHE HAD DEMENTIA
Mother: He’s rang me and I’ve told him you get confused now with your brain….
Mother: So I’ve told him to block your number and you’re not allowed to talk to him and…
Me: WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! HE DOESN’T HAVE MY NUMBER! I can’t continue with this conversation.

And put the phone down. That was about an hour and more ago and I’m still holding back tears. Sore throat from shouting. Twisting my brain injury against me. Not the first time. Evil. He’s obviously rang to give her a piece of his mind and she’s blamed it all on me. Again.

I can’t with this woman. Its never ending. My head hurts.

On the plus side my actual gorgeous, caring, loving real aunt is over from Ireland next week. Thankfully. Need to balance the shite out. Happy thoughts, happy happy thoughts….*goes off to youtube dog videos*

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