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Last Weekend

I’m 51 years old and I’m still having firsts. Awesome. Get comfy.

Mother rang Friday evening “You can bring me fish and chips tomorrow if you want”. No, I definitely don’t want but as the brothers are both on holiday at the same time (almost like they planned it to make me have to do something, I’m always last on her list of who to call!) then I suppose so.


I’d already spent 4 tortuous hours with her two days ago. I’m just a girl that can’t say no. I said I’ll get them from my local chippy. Its a 12-13 minutes drive to hers but she’s moaned about every single chippy I’ve ever got that’s local to her. She moans about everything. Every single sentence starts with “I’m not being rude but”. Well don’t be then, stop right there, shut up!

Local chippy and oh the staff are lovely but everything is cooked to order and the wait times are ridiculous. So I’m a bit agitated. My patience and tolerance are mostly zero due to brain damage. 13 minutes later I’m in my car on the dual carriageway. Its a wet road, lot of earlier rain.

And here comes my first. Although I didn’t know it was a first at the time until I was explaining it to Pen later and he gave me a name. My first AQUAPLANING!

If you haven’t done it I don’t recommend it.

Gaaaawd it was scary. I was only going slow (much slower than usual, 3rd gear, 20 mph if that) around roundabout. At the second I thought blimey I’m close to the edge it felt like my back wheels went out. I had no control over brakes or steering wheel and couldn’t tell you if I was going left to right or round and round. All of it I think. I finally manage to brake and was on the other side facing the oncoming traffic on a slip road. Although luckily there was no oncoming traffic.

Terrifying. More lives than a cat, me! NOW I know what losing control of your car really means. I could feel the shock and adrenaline starting to rise from my feet. No! You haven’t got time to be shellshocked, these fish and chips are going to get cold!

I totally sat on it. Blocked it. Show no sign of weakness or distress whatsoever in front of mother or she’ll be dining out on that for years to come “Well, she’s always been a bad driver” etc.

I lasted 15 minutes with her. Out the door! Off to my friend Jo’s. And where I’d stuffed it down, blocked it and forgotten it, I forgot to tell her about my first ever aquaplaning. I bet she was gutted to miss out on this vital information…

So that was my first and hopefully my last aquaplaning and can any future firsts involve me coming into money please, thank you! x

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