6 to 19th of December 2018
I gave up really. The amount of mental energy I was putting in was too much. It was making me depressed and upset that its another failure to add to the post-accident list. The more I had to concentrate, the more my headache hurt. But truth be told I can’t remember most of what I was doing during this period. I was exhausted, remember that much and S was on my mind. And not in the best way. I wouldn’t see him through December as he had so many work commitments but said he would come to stay for a night between Christmas and new year. 27th. Great.
It was bothering me that I was only seeing him for 2 hours at a time. Long distance, extremely busy man, blah. I got that bit. But how can you really get to know someone if in the words of the great Whitney, ‘a few stolen moments is all that we share’?
In the beginning I said to friends ‘I have no idea what he sees in me, state of me with nothing to offer. And it turned out the answer was nothing. Actions always speak louder than words & there were many cancellations or ‘if this doesn’t happen then I’ll see you’ stuff. Lots of ‘sorry I missed your calls last night’ and on and on.
The amount of times I’d be saying “oh no I didn’t see him, something came up’. And each time saw my friend’s embarrassed face for me. Lovely.
But its hard isn’t it, when you’re both parents & you live 100 miles apart. So I did something that now makes my toes curl and want to die a little inside.
15 December 2018
Right, here goes. I’d done another Sadie photoshoot (with a selfie stick, friends are very busy people in December, lucky them) and was actually quite pleased with one of them. Wearing a bodysuit, must’ve been taken at the right angle. Not too shabby for an old bird.
And I whatsapped it to him with: “Shall I keep this one?”.
AND HE REPLIED:
“Depends on the Price”
Followed by: “Have you made any £ yet?”
I wept. And sobbed and all the other words for cry. Everything had been coming on top. Pressure point complete.
You bet your ass this is to be continued in Part 11…..