My Accident - Part 12 - AhWellNeverMind

Head Injury Therapy Unit – And a Few Good and Not so Good Bits

At this point I’m still walking around looking like this – check my groovy pyjamas out. I never buy them, an annual xmas present from mother. Form a queue gentlemen

There’s how I did it. Foot caught in that and twisted. How one second can change your entire life.

Jumping back a bit here but if you read previous blogs you’ll see I mentioned the insurers coming to check the property. And they’d (L & LD) already replaced the stair carpet when I was in hospital because they thought it looked ‘shabby.’ The lounge carpet next to it was absolutely threadbare but that obviously wasn’t shabby enough.

Now I hardly used my living room for a few months, mostly in bed due to serious head pain. dizziness when I stood up and general feeling like death-ness. But one day when I walked in the living room there was an ivy vine growing through the wall. AND LD SAID I DID IT ON PURPOSE BEFORE THE INSURERS ARRIVED TO MAKE THEM LOOK BAD. What the actual hell? How could I do that?!

The weekend before they arrived LD’s husband arrived to whitewash the downstairs kitchen with paint to try and spruce the place up a bit. Looked hideous. Anyway, I made him a coffee (bear in mind I haven’t seen any legal docs at this point and don’t have a clue what they’re saying about me). A bit later I noticed I’d given him an out of date coffee and tweeted he’d think I did it deliberately. Not realising he was reading my tweets haaaaa!

Right, lets start with the positive bits.

I can re-watch tv programmes over and over as new. Downside is there’s rarely anything I want to watch. I annoy the hell out of Sophie by laughing at programmes we’ve already watched but it hasn’t stuck in my brain. [Since I wrote this I’ve given up and cancelled licence]
Umm…..umm…I’ll come back to this.

The rubbish bits:

Always been an avid reader since young child. Not the best childhood so my head was always in a book for escapism. I could read a book a day. And did. I’ve only read half a book since accident because every time I put it down I then have to re-start the whole thing because none of it stays in. The half book I’ve read is Technically Ron’s “How to Survive The End of the World When Its All in Your Head” https://amzn.to/2X3oUEx
ADD – pretty sure I already had it but seriously intensified. Find it very difficult to maintain focus, head jumps all over the place. As my blogs will testify.
Word finding difficulties. Sometimes can’t find the word I need at all or will say the wrong one. As with most things, comes into play a lot more when stressed.
Cognitive overload. Busy & noisy places are no longer my friend. I can become irritable, angry or freeze on the spot.
I don’t process or retain new information. I can see your mouth moving and hear noise, don’t know what it means. Thankfully this isn’t every single sentence, just the ones when my brain thinks ‘nah, can’t be bothered today’
My brain doesn’t distinguish what’s important – we’ve had to change dentist because I forgot appointments so many times. I’ll wake in the morning, check schedule, gone. Sometimes I’ll remember it. Lot of times I don’t .
Brian fatigue. Physically and mentally.

Oh that’s enough, I’ll come back to it. Boring myself.

Right, pretend I’m still in the assessment appointment at HITU, I’ve asked the trainee to stop speaking to me in a baby voiceand then cried. The clinical psychologist Emma (lovely lady) said you’re not fit for work and you need to register yourself as disabled. What? Not fit for work? Never had a day unemployed since 16. But it was the word “disabled” that floored me. And I didn’t know how to register, found nothing online.

I walked out of there in an extremely anxious state (sobbing). They put a programme together for me and I started the next month (I think – can’t remember). Group therapy and one to one sessions, 4 or 5 times a week. For 10 months. And if I thought my panic attacks were bad before, standby for running out of group sessions sobbing & unable to breathe (at every session) for the first few months. I’d have to rush outside for air, calm myself down. Then I’d hate myself for crying and running out in front of everyone and was bit of a vicious circle. Incredible to think that I could always speak to anyone and everyone. And I did. But here I was unable to share a room with people around me.

Oh here’s a good bit! The Get Well Soon cards I received from tweeters I’ve never met! This one was from @McTinks. @BunsofHam sent me a funny one – something like “you fell down the stairs and bumped your head, it could be worse, you could be dead!” Which was nice 🙂