Cornwall

PART ONE

I never know how to start writing posts. What’s my first line? Been like it since I was at school. Once I’m going I’m away. It.s the starting bit I have a problem with. Always get brain block. The executive dysfunction holding me back. Yes its a real thing, its in my “I am officially mental” report. Really want to put a smiley emoji here. Read everything below with a smile. Right, here goes.

Some time in June I was scrolling Insta and an Ad popped up for a tent box. Expect you’ve seen them by now, they’re everywhere. Waking up on the top of your car in fresh air really appeals to me. Throughout the summer I’d been going on afternoon drives through surrounding countryside (mostly for the aircon!) whilst dreaming of waking up by the sea in a Tent Box. I became obsessed with them, reading every word on their website multiple times a day. But at that moment the funds weren’t available. They’re not cheap. I do have a 2 man tent but I can’t get it up on my own. Sophie does a grand job doing it on her own but she hates camping and no friend could get time off work. Solo trip it is then!

So not having the money for a Tent box I did the next best thing which was buy a pop up tent from Amazon for £60, really excited thinking I can do this! Job’s a good un! Hmm not quite!

My new tent arrived and I was straight online booking the first campsite I came across. £15 for two nights the following week! Absolute bargain! Near Bude in Cornwall. A three and a half hour drive according to Google maps. As soon as I’d booked it the anxiety set in. Thanks to the brain damage I have moments where I don’t know where I am or even know where I’m going. Nothing looks familiar even if its just one street away from my house. Yes it is scary. And an hour driving is usually my max before the Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) in my wrist really kicks in and makes it unbearable. (Don’t even get me started on my back!). But I want a holiday!

Craving fresh sea air. I told myself I can do this! Its one motorway and one A road. Should be a piece of piss….And I was off. And I did it in two and a half hours, not three, with zero stops. Result! Except for a couple of things. I’d put the back seat down in my tiny car and the stupid thing beeped nearly the entire way to tell me someone was sat in the back without their seat belt on. Annoying beyond belief. I turned the music up to try and drown it out. I’ll stop at the Services (about 50 miles away – arrrrgh!). And then it went quiet. Brilliant, no need to stop! Wrong. As I passed the Services it started again! Hair pulling out stuff. It actually went off again shortly before the next Services and I’d forgotten about it so of course it came on again as I sailed past. But its all good, I hadn’t had a proper meltdown. Yet!

Only a few miles from my destination now I celebrate with a can of coke which I put between my legs to keep it still as I opened it and it frothed up and went all over me so I looked like I’d wet myself! I was wearing cotton trousers! Oh my gawd! What a div. I can’t take me anywhere.

I arrive at the campsite and there it is right on the edge by the sea. Exciting! Now when I booked this we’d been in a heatwave. For ages. Of course the day I go camping its like a November’s day. Rainy and windy! I pull in and go into the little hut at the entrance. With my wet pants on.

“Hello! I’ve got a booking for two nights in the name of…!”
“No you haven’t!”
“Sorry? Yes I booked it online, £15 for two nights”
“No you haven’t. I don’t have you here on the system. Its £15 for one night”
“Oh, I definitely booked for two nights”
“Well you didn’t. You’re not on here, look!” and he turned his computer to face me.
“Oh. Umm I’ve had brain injury and get confused and give myself false information so maybe I didn’t book two nights. Can you fit me in for another night?”
“Or course I can” Then why are you being such an arse about it?! Luckily I didn’t say this out loud. For a change!
Right, where do I go?
“Go up the path and turn right at the 5mph sign and you can pitch anywhere you like”

I get back in my car and drive slowly up the gravel path and when I got to the end I turned right into the field and realised I was driving through the electric hook up bit and that’s when I saw the owner/manager (? Don’t know, don’t care) in his golf buggy thing flying up the field towards me, shouting his head off!
“YOU’RE DRIVING THROUGH ELECTRIC PITCHES! I told YOU to go right at the 10mph sign!”
I said
“And I told YOU I’VE HAD A BRAIN INJURY AND GET CONFUSED! There’s no need to shout. I didn’t drive over any wires!”
Then with a couple of tears in my eyes I left him hanging and headed off down the field. Right near the edge, coast in full view. Lovely.

And then I got everything out of the car and realised I’ve a tent to put up on my own in gale force winds and an airbed that needs to be plugged in. And then realised I’d forgotten the kettle lid so no morning coffee as nothing to pick pan up with. Well, I nearly stuffed everything back in car and drove home there and then but didn’t. Deep breaths.

How can a pop up tent be so difficult? The base popped up okay but the rain sheet was a bugger in gale force winds and rain. It had three different window gaps on it. Which way?! Every time I’d throw it over the base it would fly right back at me. Not tall enough, arms too short, story of my life! I could see little man back in his hut watching and I refused to give in.

Back in the heydays us girls would go camping, throw the tent on the ground and look helpless. Every single time some young lads would put it up for us. Guaranteed. This was the 90s when people still cared about each other. And young lads wanted to get laid hahaha,

Two and a half hours later of doing the same thing wrongly now and a man started to walk across the field towards me. Please, please, please offer your help!

“Would you like some help?”
“Yes please!” Could not be more grateful.
“Oh good because I wasn’t going to offer after the last woman told me to FO she could do it by herself but my wife insisted I came and asked”.

And would you believe initially he also had problems lining it up. That’s what happens with cheap crap eh?
Between us we got it up. And were two guy pegs short. Everyone else was in campers or Tentboxes. No one to borrow them from. The constant flapping may or may not be why my neighbours left in the morning. I’d hardly slept. But it was a sunny-ish day, let the fun times begin. Just as soon as I find coffee,

To be continued